The Cavewoman

"The Cavewoman" is the third broadcast episode of Cavemen.

After a trendy new yogurt bar arrives in San Diego, the guys become addicted, and the attractive, flirty cavewoman behind the counter causes friction between Joel and Kate. Nick begins to date the cavewoman, but she may be more than he can handle.

Synopsis
Joel and Andy become obsessed with the new yogurt bar in town while Nick is unimpressed by this latest fad. However, when he gets inside and sees Heather, the sexy cavewoman server, he feels she is the reason for their repeat patronage. Nick thinks he has a chance with her since he is the only one of the group man enough to satisfy a cavewoman. When Joel and Kate visit Fruitberry together, however, Heather begins to show her aggression, refusing to serve Kate and calling her a "smoothie". Joel fails to adequately defend his girlfriend, who storms out.

Still inside Fruitberry, Nick flirts with Heather. Back home, Joel tries to discuss his dilemma with Andy, but he is still thinking about Fruitberry. Nick finally arrives home with Heather on his arm, but when they get to the bedroom, he discovers she is sexually aggressive to the point of violence, throwing him around the room. The next morning, Heather is brusk with a giggling, submissive Nick. Once out in the living room, Andy asks her if she has any single friends, but he isn't sure whether he wants to call the kickboxing instructor friend she recommends.

Discussing Heather with her mother Leslie and friend Thorne, Kate decides to confront her in order to warn her away from Joel. However, when she tries to, Heather says she doesn't want Joel and that he is a wuss. Kate tries to defend Joel, but they soon bond over the wussiness of men in general, becoming friends (and getting free yogurt). Back at the apartment, Heather continues her violent sexual rampage on Nick, dislocating his shoulder and forcing it back into place without ceasing foreplay. Later, she asks Andy whether he has called her friend yet and is angry when he lies and says he has.

The next day, Nick has suddenly begun working feverishly on his dissertation; he explains that Heather is setting him a deadline and is upset by the man he has become around her. Joel convinces him to break up with her, but he is afraid of what she will do to him. At Fruitberry, Heather confronts Andy for still not calling her friend while elsewhere, Kate berates Joel for being a wuss. At the cinema that night, Nick and Heather sit down and he tries to break up with her, but she doesn't want to hear about his feelings. Giving up, he offers to get her something from the concession stand, but instead of bringing back her popcorn he makes a break for it, skipping away gleefully.

Some time later, all three wait outside Fruitberry for Heather's shift to end so they can safely go in and get the yogurt they have all become addicted to. In the intervening period, Heather has mailed Nick a dead possum; not wanting to go in while she is there, they pay a kid to place their order for them, but he simply runs off with the cash. Joel ultimately snaps and forces Andy to go in, in spite of his fear, having never called her friend. Joel and Nick then go back to slouching in their seats, hiding from Heather's wrath.

ABC summary

 * Joel, Nick and Andy fall under the spell of the deliciousness of Fruitberry, a frozen yogurt shop. Though Nick is wary of falling for a fad, he can't help but fall for the hot cavewoman who works at the shop. Meanwhile, Kate is upset with Joel for not coming to her defense when the cavewoman insults her, on "Cavemen," TUESDAY, OCTOBER 16 on the ABC Television Network.

Allusions

 * Heather asks Nick what it is like to hate the Beatles, seeing as he hates anything popular. The Beatles were a rock band in the 1960s, whose fame and influence have held long since their breakup in 1970.
 * Nick describes Joel as a "sad little parking lot tram at Disneyland"; Disneyland provide transport to the ride area from the parking lot on small trackless trains referred to as parking lot trams.
 * Nick makes fun of Homo sapiens women and their "Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants mumbo-jumbo, dancin' around, listenin' to Motown songs, singin' into their spoons." The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants is a series of books and later films about four girls and a magical pair of jeans which can adjust to fit each of them; Motown is a record label popular in the 1960s for their pop soul music by black artists, a number of them girl groups.
 * Kate is concerned by Nick's choice of fruity pebbles on his yogurt, thinking this to be a reference to the Flintstones character Pebbles Flintstone, in her The Pebbles and Bamm-Bamm Show incarnation as a long-legged, miniskirt-wearing teen.
 * Joel uses an extended football metaphor to explain how Nick managed to woo Heather; Joel is the "Heisman" (a famed 20th century college football coach after whom the Heisman Trophy is named) who facilitated Nick's "touchdown dance" with Heather. Joel performs an Ickey Shuffle, perhaps the most famous touchdown dance, to demonstrate.
 * Heather rudely calls Kate "Malibu Barbie," using the image of Barbie dolls (and particularly the beach-ready Malibu edition) as a blonde bimbo. She calls Thorne "Mighty Mouse," the cartoon superhero mouse, in reference to her short stature and strong will.
 * When Nick uses the word "finesse" on the squash court, Heather calls him "Frasier," the upper class psychiatrist from Cheers and Frasier, known (among other things) for his decorative use of French words.

Music

 * Kelis' "Milkshake": Played when Heather is first introduced at Fruitberry.
 * Blink-182's "Man Overboard": Played as Nick runs out of the theater and away from Heather.

Quotes
Nick: Your little cave thing's got the hots for old Nicky. Joel: She is not my "cave thing". I have a girlfriend. But just so you know, she is jonesing to ride the Joel Train. Nick: Please, you're not a train; you're like a sad little parking lot tram at Disneyland. My friend, she wants to take a ride on the Nick Hedge Bullet Express. Andy: [laughs] Those are really fast ...Is that what you're trying to say? Nick: No, certainly not, I'm more like a slow-train... wait... Joel: Right.

Joel: All right, answer me this. Pebbles, from The Flintstones? OK, hot ... or a baby? Andy: Hot. Joel: No. Baby. Not—not hot. She was, like, 3 years old. Andy: What, not in The Pebbles and Bamm-Bamm Show.

Andy: Oh! Nick. Hey. Would you ask Heather if she's got a friend for me? Nick: Dude, I'm about to cave it up, in here. Andy: So what, so you're not gonna go right into it, just ask her during foreplay or something.

Heather: You're taken. By my friend. If you don't call her, I'm gonna rip your voicebox out and call her myself ... but in your voice. What's it gonna be? Andy: [coughs] ...Uh... I'm gay. Heather: ... What? Andy: Yeah. I'm a gay man ... I enjoy the gay lifestyle.